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In a lot of ways it would be nice if parenting came in a nice clean package, guidebook and all. Unfortunately it doesn’t. Whether your squalling human came to you after 9 months of discomfort, awe and trepidation or after the anxiety provoking process of fostering or adoption you end up with the same result. A human being that you are now responsible for. So the question is, now what?!
So let’s talk about this...
My take on the matter of parenting is that there are a few basic rules one ought to adopt.
Rule 1
In the beginning, it’s not your job to be your child’s friend. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a friendly parent. I’m saying your approach to parenting should be couched in the knowledge that this human being is relying on you to prepare him/her for life. That’s a big job and it requires you to sometimes not be your child’s favorite person.
Rule 2
BE your child’s mentor. Is what I’m saying AND doing consistent with what I require of my child? I can’t tell my child to be honest while they listen to me lie. I can’t tell my child to work hard at school while I lounge about all day. I can’t tell my child to act appropriately while I’m not practicing discipline and self control myself. You get the picture? Mentoring is about modeling the values you want to see in your child while coaching them on how to do the same. And like a good coach, understand that your child will need time and work to develop the skills and values you’re teaching. Patience is a must.
Rule 3
Be consistent. No matter what. A chaotic
environment shapes a chaotic child. A consistent environment creates calmness, resilience, better self regulation. A child that knows what to expect is a child that is better able to navigate their environment. And that’s applicable whether we’re talking about them knowing their daily schedule or what consequences to expect if they do wrong.
Rule 4
Give yourself a break!!! You’re not gonna get this right everyday! You will be stressed, you will make mistakes. Give yourself the gift of self compassion as a parent. Remember where we started? There’s no guidebook!!! We’re all trying to figure this out! As you take care of yourself, your child will learn that self care is important for them too!
What have you learned as a parent? Hit us in the comments with your successes and challenges! We want to hear from you!